Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Well, today was the official day. I can't believe my baby is now over 9 weeks old. It doesn't seem possible that all of that time I spent with him is already over. I can't believe that the time went by so unbelievably quick. This morning I had to bite the bullet and finally drop off my baby at daycare. I think this is one of the hardest things I have had to do. I was doing very well initially, Iain was in a great mood this morning, talking to his little bugs toys on his carseat, I was able to stop at Starbucks on the way, and it was a great way to start. HOWEVER, Iain started crying because he lost his grip on his teddy bear, and by the time I made it to the daycare center, I was quickly losing grip on my calm demeanor. Iain had calmed down by the time we made it inside, and I was able to start my paperwork when the daycare owner asked me how I was doing. You know, I really think I would have made it had she not asked me that one little question.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? A simple question really, one with a very simple answer. (Fine, Thank you. How are you?) But on this day, that was all it took for me to lose all control over my emotions. It hit me so hard, that deep down, I was leaving my baby without his mommy. Who would calm him when he would get upset today? Who would comfort him when his tummy was rumbling? Who would help my little boy sleep when he is fighting it so hard. Who? Someone he had never met before. Someone who smelled different. Someone whose voice is NOT mommy's. Somone who didn't know what lullaby puts him to sleep so quickly. All of these strange new people to deal with. This is what I left my baby with. I cried for about 15 minutes before I could leave this morning. Finally, I decided I could leave him because he found a red kite hanging from the ceiling. He smiled. That is what let me leave him. It wasn't because I knew he was happy, but because I felt better leaving him smiling than leaving him crying.

I realized tonight, that today was NOT a day about Iain. NO. It was a day about Mommy, and how well she could handle being away from her little boy. I did okay at school, as long as no one asked. So I volunteered the greeting today... "I am fine...Don't ask me. Thanks." Everyone knew where I was coming from today, and let me be with that. Well, this afternoon when it came time to pick Iain up, I go in to find one of my students who works there after school changing my baby boy. (Thank goodness... I know her very well... she is a very good girl.) She told me about his day, he took a couple of naps, took 3 bottles, had 4 diapers changed...and they all ooohed and ahhhed over how alert and attentive he is. They also were amazed at how strong he is. The very nice lady who has been there for 15 years told me that he is the strongest most alert 9 week old baby she has ever seen there. She said that he LOVES his teddy bear and that he clutches it so tight to his cheek. For some strange reason, that made me feel better. I don't know why, I guess I know that there is something famiar that he can hang on to.

Anyway to get to the point.. .Iain did just fine... It was just Mommy who had the hard time. I am good though, I think I might make it tomorrow morning with just 5 minutes of tears... We will see.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Last week with my boy...=(

Ok... so time is almost here....no more staying at home with my baby. This fact makes me so sad, since in the last 2 weeks he has started to get so social, grinning and giggling when you talk to him. I just feel like there are going to be so many things I am going to miss out on. Is he going to roll over (on purpose) for the first time at daycare.. and mommy actually only see it the 4th or 5th time is has happened? Am I going to be the 2nd person to actually see him crawl... or will I be the lucky one who actually gets to see him do it first? This is something I will likely never know for sure, and something about that fact just isn't right.

I know that I am really torn with the idea of going back to work, but at the same time, I am going stir-crazy sitting at home all of the time. Yeah, I go out for a walk around Target, a walk around the neighborhood, but I need a little more socialization, and more time to do things for ME. So all-in-all, I guess it won't be so bad... Just the whole idea of not being with my boy from 9:00-5:00 really sucks. GRRRrrrr.

Well, "PopPop" is here, and I am quite enjoying the visit. Iain is a little on the fussy side, as we are still dealing with the change back to his original formula, but he is also having some amazing happy moments for PopPop too! Tomorrow we are going to the beach again, hopefully this time we might actually stick our little feet in, just to see our reaction. No we won't get all wet, but it will still be fun just to get out and get some pictures with PopPop. We went out for about 10 minutes the other night, but it was a bit on the windy side, so we had to leave, but I did get a chance to get some great pics of the lighthouse while we were out.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Easter Pictures

Just thought I would post a couple of pics I took for Easter... no rambling today!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Thoughts on Thirty...

Well, THIRTY has officially arrived! Do I feel any different? Are there any gray hairs? Any magic "wow, I'm old" moment? I can quite truthfully answer in saying NO! What is the big deal? I guess I just don't get what the big issue is with turning 30. Some people I know have had full-on panic attacks about not being in their 20's any longer. You know the difference between 29 and 30? One day. Period. That's it!

Now poor Allen, he definitely thought I was really having a hard time with becoming 30. No, he was just the poor victim of a woman gone mad with PMS...LOL! Yeah, it was actually quite the day to say the least. It started great... Mom and Pop Shultz sent an envelope to me last week, that I couldn't open till today. I obliged, and it was worth it. Mom sent a fantastic poem by Ogden Nash called "A Lady Thinks She is Thirty" It is about how this woman who turned 30 woke up feeling old, and gray, and no longer this beautiful woman she once was, however in reality God has blessed her as a timeless beautiful woman, if she would just open her eyes. It was such a neat poem, and a great pick-me up to start the day. Well, I found out however, that Mom and Pop are all about building you up, only to tear you down later in the day.. (JK!) Yeah, around 2:00 in the afternoon the doorbell rings, and I find a lady standing there with a bunch of black "Over the Hill" balloons! I guess this is my first of several more "milestone birthday's" with black balloons! I just didn't expect them quite this soon.

Back to the rest of the day though, Iain is getting to be a bit on the colicky side. Not bad, but he definitely has his moments... today he decided that an hour of crying wasn't enough, NO, he decided two would be better. I of course was beside myself.. .he was fed, in clean diaper, I gave him "Little Tummys" for gas. NOTHING worked. What do I do... I cry... yeah, my birthday, and I am crying. So Allen gets home to this, then we got in a minor fight.. .which of course when you are PMS-ing is a major fight. Well, after we eat, things settle down, and I am able to calm down..good thing considering the baby-sitter was on her way... YES I said baby sitter.

Tonight was our first time out without Little Man. We decided to go see a movie. I wanted to see Meet the Robinson's, but of course the internet got the time wrong ,and I didn't get to see it. instead, we saw 300. It was good, but I wasn't exactly wanting to see a bloody Greek battle movie, when what I really needed was a good laugh. Oh well... nothing really went great today anyway. Well, Becca got to the house, and being the good Mommy, I had a list of where every single thing he might need was located, phone #'s, movies for Becca to watch, Popcorn and coke ready for her,etc..etc... BUT, when I finally left, I did well. I did not call once to check in... I thought about it, but I didn't! And to be quite honest, it was quite relaxing, even through a bloody movie to relax for just a couple of hours without a wailing baby in the background!

Becca's best friend Jess came over (I invited her) and I am glad she did, because not long after we left, he started to cry. I would have felt really sorry had she been by herself. They did very well though, he was changed into his pajamas, had been fed a bottle, and was actually sleeping when we got home! They definitely earned their $20. We will definitely have them babysit again in a heartbeat!

Anyway... I have blabbered on long enough... but to sum it up... NO, Thirty is no different than 29. Not yet anyway!