Tuesday, April 24, 2007
HOW ARE YOU DOING? A simple question really, one with a very simple answer. (Fine, Thank you. How are you?) But on this day, that was all it took for me to lose all control over my emotions. It hit me so hard, that deep down, I was leaving my baby without his mommy. Who would calm him when he would get upset today? Who would comfort him when his tummy was rumbling? Who would help my little boy sleep when he is fighting it so hard. Who? Someone he had never met before. Someone who smelled different. Someone whose voice is NOT mommy's. Somone who didn't know what lullaby puts him to sleep so quickly. All of these strange new people to deal with. This is what I left my baby with. I cried for about 15 minutes before I could leave this morning. Finally, I decided I could leave him because he found a red kite hanging from the ceiling. He smiled. That is what let me leave him. It wasn't because I knew he was happy, but because I felt better leaving him smiling than leaving him crying.
I realized tonight, that today was NOT a day about Iain. NO. It was a day about Mommy, and how well she could handle being away from her little boy. I did okay at school, as long as no one asked. So I volunteered the greeting today... "I am fine...Don't ask me. Thanks." Everyone knew where I was coming from today, and let me be with that. Well, this afternoon when it came time to pick Iain up, I go in to find one of my students who works there after school changing my baby boy. (Thank goodness... I know her very well... she is a very good girl.) She told me about his day, he took a couple of naps, took 3 bottles, had 4 diapers changed...and they all ooohed and ahhhed over how alert and attentive he is. They also were amazed at how strong he is. The very nice lady who has been there for 15 years told me that he is the strongest most alert 9 week old baby she has ever seen there. She said that he LOVES his teddy bear and that he clutches it so tight to his cheek. For some strange reason, that made me feel better. I don't know why, I guess I know that there is something famiar that he can hang on to.
Anyway to get to the point.. .Iain did just fine... It was just Mommy who had the hard time. I am good though, I think I might make it tomorrow morning with just 5 minutes of tears... We will see.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Ok... so time is almost here....no more staying at home with my baby. This fact makes me so sad, since in the last 2 weeks he has started to get so social, grinning and giggling when you talk to him. I just feel like there are going to be so many things I am going to miss out on. Is he going to roll over (on purpose) for the first time at daycare.. and mommy actually only see it the 4th or 5th time is has happened? Am I going to be the 2nd person to actually see him crawl... or will I be the lucky one who actually gets to see him do it first? This is something I will likely never know for sure, and something about that fact just isn't right.
I know that I am really torn with the idea of going back to work, but at the same time, I am going stir-crazy sitting at home all of the time. Yeah, I go out for a walk around Target, a walk around the neighborhood, but I need a little more socialization, and more time to do things for ME. So all-in-all, I guess it won't be so bad... Just the whole idea of not being with my boy from 9:00-5:00 really sucks. GRRRrrrr.
Well, "PopPop" is here, and I am quite enjoying the visit. Iain is a little on the fussy side, as we are still dealing with the change back to his original formula, but he is also having some amazing happy moments for PopPop too! Tomorrow we are going to the beach again, hopefully this time we might actually stick our little feet in, just to see our reaction. No we won't get all wet, but it will still be fun just to get out and get some pictures with PopPop. We went out for about 10 minutes the other night, but it was a bit on the windy side, so we had to leave, but I did get a chance to get some great pics of the lighthouse while we were out.